Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Clash of the Puritans

Puritans and artists are bound to clash when you think about it. For starters, artists get into trouble for knowing the human anatomy too well. Nothing makes those Puritans more uptight than the human body. (But they'll trust a physician.)

I have a clean life here now, except for announcements from news channels which are favoured by Puritans on sodomy, homosexuality, teachers fucking kids, golfers. And now I'm talking about it. But these announcements are always making sure to remind me how sick it is when they brought it up. And they claim to be keeping children pure.

Artists are made to paint clothing over their work sometimes. Pity. But then maybe the art isn't abstract enough if all its beholders are getting out of it is a peep show. If you're going to use the human form as your main vehicle of expression, the trap is set for horny viewers. And I don't see how any of us would be here if we weren't all horny, especially the parents. In fact, whether the Puritans know it or not, sexual pleasure is basic human happiness. Good enough for the angels, too, according to Mark Twain's Letters from the Earth.

How is one immaculately conceived? Fertility treatments? No, this is one area where the Bible agrees with Mark Twain. And how about that Wings of Desire angel? Can't say I blame him.

The Bible has a few kinky episodes, as well. And women were passed around like currency. 'Here, take my daughter. I want four camels and fifth of gin.' Christian women, I have an idea. Come on over to my house for some good ol' fashioned scriptural playacting? One at a time, please. I believe in monogamy on top of monoblogamy. And you better not have mono. Trapeze experience an asset.

Church art is talked about by Huxley in The Doors of Perception. The focus was on strong colour to dazzle the eye and entrance the worshiper. (Now we have daytime TV and LCD.) I got free comic books from our church every Christmas. Comics n' candy.

Uh - did they catch that miniskirt that Veronica was wearing? That must have slipped past them. I wasn't complaining.

I still haven't figured out what makes the ratings board tick, but they seem also to have a severe sexual hangup. I'm telling you. It's those damn Puritans. Look. They're right behind you, right now, eating a turkey dinner. Grab that blunderbuss! Quick, before they slap an R Rating on your forehead!

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© 2007, 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

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